We Forgot How to Talk

We’ve raised a generation fluent in emojis, not eye contact. They can craft a perfect post, nail a caption, and hold a conversation entirely in memes. They’re funny, they’re fast thinkers, and they are plugged into the world in ways we never were. But hand them a phone and ask them to call someone or suggest they speak to Joe in Accounts about the invoice that’s gone missing, and suddenly it’s awkward silence. 

And before we roll our eyes at “kids these days,” let’s be honest, we’re no better. We email the person three desks away. Partly to keep a record (and cover ourselves when Karen insists we never told her about the 3pm meeting), and partly because it’s just easier. We’re all working flexibly with different hours, different spaces, different zones. Your deadline might clash with my run to the school gate. Written comms keep the wheels turning without needing to talk in real time. And nobody wants 30-minute meetings that could have been 30-second emails.

But the trade-off is real connection. 

Most of us are juggling a communication cocktail. WhatsApp for one team, email for another, a Teams chat, the random group chat that somehow became official, the LinkedIn message from someone who didn’t have your email address and then the stray text that pings the moment you walk in the door, starting with “sorry to bother you, just a quick one…” 

We’ve become efficient communicators, not effective ones.

With AI writing our emails, polishing our presentations, and even crafting our “authentic” messages, the workplace has never been more connected on paper, yet disconnected in practice. ChatGPT is better at spelling than we are, but it doesn’t make eye contact. It can’t read a room. It doesn’t know when to pause, lean in, or change tone. Those are human skills, the ones that make people listen, trust, and follow. They’re the skills we need when we’re presenting to the board, pitching to a client or rallying our staff to help rollout a change.

There’s no shortage of “leadership” programs for young people these days. Badges, blazers, and titles handed out like confetti: Head Prefect, House Captain, Sports Leader. We teach leadership as if it’s all about strategy and decision-making. But real leadership lives in communication, in how you make people feel, how you steer tricky conversations, how you handle a Q&A. It’s the ability to persuade, explain, or inspire, not just state opinions. 

On the sports field, kids are told to “lead by example.” But leadership without communication is just movement without meaning. And tone (on the field or in the office) is one of the most powerful tools we have. The right tone tells people we’re on the same side and chasing the same goal. The wrong tone can turn a huddle into a standoff.

Every week, I work with executives who are brilliant leaders but who lose impact because they can’t bridge from their message to their audience’s mindset. Their tone is off. We work on communication techniques like calling out the elephant in the room. You earn trust by naming it. “The show must go on” is terrible advice for public speaking. If your slide crashes, your mic cuts out, or you forget your place, acknowledge it, have a laugh and move on. People don’t want perfect. They want real. 

If you’re presenting and everyone’s silently thinking, “Sure, the numbers look good, but how are we going to hit those targets with half the staff we had last year?”, then call it. That’s communication, anticipating what your audience is thinking and making them feel understood. It’s the same feeling you get when your regular barista sees you crossing the street and starts making your coffee before you order. You feel seen, known and valued. But that connection only happens with face to face, your barista isn’t emailing you a long black.

For the next generation of leaders, the ability to speak to each other in person and authentically will matter more than any academic score. If you can’t articulate a vision, calm a room, or connect in 30 seconds flat, you’ll be overlooked.

So if you employ, manage or mentor young people who could one day be leaders, make communication part of the job description. You’ll be investing in the skill that underpins their success. Show them how to ask questions, handle pressure, present to a hostile crowd, and have real conversations. 

Communication isn’t a “soft skill.” It’s the core skill. No matter how clever the tech gets, we still follow people who can look us in the eye and make us feel something. The world doesn’t need more people who can talk. It needs more people who can communicate. Whether it’s in a school assembly, or a boardroom, the ability to speak clearly, listen carefully, and project credibility is what separates true leaders from people who just happen to have leadership titles.

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